Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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