ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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