We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
