glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
