so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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