k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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