i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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