I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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