we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
