i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
