Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
