Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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