I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Someone shit on the floor
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
