2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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