so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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