oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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