Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
