Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
