new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
