YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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