yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
