Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
