I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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