You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
