I just made out with a guy for $7.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
