i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
stop calling my apartment porn island.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
