You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
