Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
