I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
