Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
