It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize