I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
