It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
