Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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