when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
