drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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