I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
