The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
