I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
