uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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