Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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