You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He has the fingertips of a God
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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