Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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