you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
