I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize