I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize