I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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