She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
