I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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