can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
