If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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