Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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