I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
