Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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