I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
