I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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