I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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