I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
