the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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