What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
In America we eat man semen.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We talked him into tasing himself.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
